I'm probably a genius

Per the (I thought) brilliant suggestion of Jake and Emily, I figured out how to put a donation button on here. I hope you're impressed, because you definitely should be. In fact, you should probably be impressed enough to use it, but since I've asked that you keep your expectations low, I'll be according you the same consideration. I'm not too proud to beg (obviously) but I'll save it for my more desperate moments. These moments will be fairly predictable, by the way, falling as they will toward the end of any given month.

That said, far be it for me to expect something for nothing (ha!), so even the most meager donations will be rewarded with, obviously, unbounded love and devotion, but also with... (I'm thinking...) Ah! With particularly affectionate treatment in my writings. I think we all know that this is no small offering (yes it is), and most of you would probably benefit from it. What we also know is that I'm useless without my chai, and for some reason I've yet to ascertain, nobody in North Carolina gives it to me for free. What the fuck?!

Tariq, of course, is relieved, having more than covered his share already.

One more thing: The Barnes & Noble in which I'm presently operating is located in what is essentially an outdoor mall. What's curious about the scenario is that there appear to be apartments located above the storefronts. My question is: who the fuck would want to live in a mall?