Where are they?

I haven't identified a single lesbian so far in all of North Carolina. Of course it's true that I haven't actually been to most of North Carolina, but still. Where are they? How will I ever get over Emily if I can't drown my pain in meaningless sex? (I know. Just... don't say it.)

Also, is it paranoid to think two people might be talking about you when one of them holds a binder in front of her face so as to block her entire head from your view - in a way that no one would if they were actually reading the contents of said binder - then whispers something to her companion, who then looks directly at you? Because it doesn't feel paranoid. It feels like reasonable deduction.

I get the feeling that I'm a little bit of a phenomenon around here. I picture little cartoon thought bubbles over people's heads: "Hey maw! Look there yonder! Is that there one of those, uh... whaddya call um... uh, lez-bee-annes? Damned if she don't look just like a fella!"

I don't sense any hostility, just curiosity, I guess. Confusion, and maybe a little derision. It's an odd feeling, but not entirely unfamiliar. In any case, I'm pretty sure that one girl said something about me. It's probably not fair to say they were talking about me, though. The second girl didn't seem particularly interested in whatever the first one said, and didn't actually make any verbal reply. Whatever.

Also: I need a sticker for my van that says "MY OTHER VAN IS A BEACH HOUSE". I don't know what it means, but I like the sound of it.